at the stroke of midnight
by freedomatsea
Summary: Under the Dark One's control, Killian is ordered to use the hat to absorb Emma's powers. Set after Smash the Mirror. Special thanks to Burcu (anythingyouhold) for twisting my arm into writing this ;) Ella Enchanted Tangled feels in here, my friends.


"_At the stroke of midnight you will collect the most powerful magic in this town. _Emma Swan._" _

The Crocodile's words echoed through his mind. Twisting and tangling with every word Emma had ever spoken to him. Every reference made about her. Every moment he had shared with her. Every kiss that had ever flooded his heart with such immense love. Kisses he would never experience again, words he would never hear.

He would rather die than harm her and he knew that dying would hurt her even more, but at least she'd be _alive_.

Even without his heart, his chest ached with the grief that he felt. The fear that he would be powerless against Rumpelstiltskin's control of him. He could already feel the powerful tug of those words, drawing him towards wherever the Savior was. His feet moved against his will, forcing him away from the docks.

"_You will collect the most powerful magic in this town_._" _

"_I can't lose you."_

Killian felt like he was going to be sick. Was this some sick twist of fate? Torturing him for some transgression of the past. He had never committed a sin that warranted this. The only _mistake _he ever made, was agreeing to take Milah away from the coward – but even that he didn't see as a mistake. Had he not followed that path, he wouldn't have been here today. He wouldn't have known what it felt like to love so deeply, so purely.

His heart had been without a single speck of darkness. For so long he had imagined that his heart was dark, rotten like Belle had once said to him. He had never imagined that his heart would be so red, that it would glow so brightly with the love he felt for Emma.

"Emma, I'm sorry." He choked on the words, tears were brimming in his eyes, but he fought to keep them from falling. Emma would know when he found her. She'd see that something was wrong. But he couldn't tell her. He had no ability to tell her what the imp had ordered him to do.

"_You will tell no one of this plan." _

He would betray Emma's trust and he had no power to stop it from happening.

The clock tower loomed above him – a quarter to midnight.

He had fifteen minutes to fight this curse. To fight the control that the Crocodile had over him. But it felt useless. No matter how hard he tried to dig his heels in and resist the pull of his power, nothing changed. Against every fiber in his being he was being forced towards Emma. _To kill her_.

The round box was clasped tightly in his hand, ready to open it and capture the Savior. All for the Dark One's hunger for power. He had endured _so_ much loss in his life, but this would be the loss that would end his own. There would be no coming back from this. Once it was done and over with, he only prayed that Rumple would crush his heart or let him end his own life.

He wouldn't be able to live with himself. He wouldn't be able to face her family or his own reflection.

She was alone in the station.

"Killian – what are you doing here?"

Killian couldn't meet her eyes.

"I thought I'd pay you a visit." He wanted to scream. He wanted to tell her to run. But the words stuck in the back of his throat. He was forbidden to warn her. Forbidden to stop this from happening.

"This late?" Emma laughed softly with a shake of her head as she turned her attention back to the back she was reading. "Can't sleep either?"

"No." He swallowed thickly, taking another step towards her. "I just wanted to see you." Killian's knuckles had turned white from gripping the box so tightly.

Emma glanced up at him then, her brows furrowing together. "What's wrong?" The concern in her voice made him ache even more. She didn't know what was coming. She didn't know what he was going to have to do.

Killian tensed as she rose to her feet and moved to stand in front of him. "Nothing's wrong." He lied, his eyes clenching closed as she brought her hand up to cup his cheek. "_Emma_."

"Something's been wrong with you since the other day." Emma said softly, as though she didn't want her words to hurt him. "If it's something I did…"

"_No_." Killian said quickly, his eyes snapping open. "You haven't done anything wrong." Time was ticking away. Precious moments. Even without his heart he _loved _her, but he had never said those words aloud to her. This would be their last moment together. The last words they'd ever say to each other. He wasn't about to waste it – even though he was undeserving of a final moment of happiness with her. Not when it would be his fault that she'd never see her son grow up or watch her little brother take his first steps. He was robbing her of _everything_.

He blinked his eyes quickly, feeling those tears starting to fall again. "You've done _everything_ right Emma."

"Killian, you're scaring me." Emma said softly, reaching up to brush away that stray lock of dark hair that always fell onto his forehead. "What's wrong?"

"I love you."

Emma's eyes widened in surprise, before they softened with emotion. "That's not something I would call _wrong_." She remarked with a warm smile. She rose up to kiss him, but he avoided her lips. "_Killian_…?"

"I'm sorry." Killian's words cracked as they slid past his lips. "I'm so sorry, love." He couldn't control it. He couldn't stop himself from pulling the box out from behind his back.

"Killian, what are you doing?" Emma questioned, fear forcing the adoration away from her expression. She took a step backwards, eyeing the magical device with concern. "What is that?"

Killian grimaced at the tone she was taking with him. How many times had someone told her they loved her only to turn around and betray her? Words that cut like a knife.

"It absorbs magic." Killian answered, his jaw set so hard that the muscles in his jaw were noticeably ticking.

"Why do you have it?" She took another step backwards, moving around to put the desk in between them. "_Killian_." Emma narrowed her eyes, her gaze boring into his face. "Why are you doing this?"

Tears fell down his cheeks as he tried to keep himself from stepping forward. He felt like he was fighting a losing battle. He couldn't keep himself from taking that next step towards her, placing the magic box down onto her desk. "I-…" But he couldn't say the words. He felt as helpless as he had, tied to the fence, unable to save her.

"This isn't you." It wasn't a question – it was a statement. Emma held her ground, realization dawning. "Who's doing this?"

He could only shake his head, sobbing as he started to activate the device.

"I'm so sorry." He muttered, his blue eyes fixed on hers. Trying to memorize the way that she looked. Wishing he could remember her with love in her eyes and not fear and distrust.

"Fight this Killian." Emma pled, moving back around the desk, moving to stand directly in front of him. She reached for his hand, jerking it away from the box.

"I have to do this. Emma. _Please._" He didn't want to hurt her. He didn't want to make this worse than it already was.

"You don't have to do _anything_." Emma insisted, pressing her palm flat against his chest. "Fight this Killian."

There were tears in her eyes now. He wondered if she could feel the lack of a heartbeat beneath her hand. If she had any clue what it was that was controlling him.

"I _can't_." Killian shook his head, jerking his hand free of her hand, reaching around her for the box. He could feel the pull growing stronger. It was getting closer to midnight. Closer to him killing her.

"Yes you can." Emma retorted, her voice sounding angry and he _knew _that it wasn't aimed at him. "Fight this. Whatever this. You can fight this." She leaned up and kissed him and he was taken aback by the passion. Did she think a kiss would break this? He had tried that before and it failed. Some curses couldn't be cured with a kiss. But maybe that was just because it wasn't _real_ for them.

"Emma _stop_." Killian gritted out as he pulled away from her touch. "I'm so sorry."

Emma pressed her hands against his chest and shoved him back, putting distance between him and the box on her desk. "I'm not going to let you do this Killian. You're stronger than this. You can fight this."

"I'm _not_." He said, his voice flooded with anguished emotions. He was so afraid that he was going to hurt her. That the control Rumple had on him was going to make him lash out because she was keeping him from following through with his orders. "Please Emma. Don't make this worse."

Emma's eyes flashed with anger then – this time he knew it was anger aimed at him. He deserved every last second of her wrath. "Don't make this _worse_?" She scoffed, her hands still firmly planted on his chest. "That's pretty rich coming from someone who's about to use something on me that's going to _strip my magic_." She pushed him again when he tried to take a step forward. "Stop this Killian. I know you well enough to know that if there's a will there's a way. I don't care if you think you don't have control over this situation. You _do_. I know you can fight this."

"I _can't_!" Killian practically roared out. The clock tower tolled outside the station.

_One_.

"Yes you can!" Emma's fingers curled around the lapels of his coat, trying to keep him grounded in place.

_Two_.

"I can't. Emma, please. I can't." He didn't want to hurt her. He didn't want to do this. But he couldn't keep himself from moving forward even though she was using every ounce of her weight to keep him in place.

_Three_.

"Focus on me. Focus on _us_." Emma pled with him, one hand pressed to his chest, the other moving up to cradle his cheek. "Killian, _please_…"

_Four. _

"_Go._" Killian warned. "Go now." He hadn't been able to say those words before. He had wanted to tell her to go, to run, to hide from him – but those words had stuck in the back of his throat. How was it that he was able to say them now?"

"I love you." Emma whispered, her voice cracking with sobs as tears spilled down her cheeks. "I love you, please. Please don't do this."

Killian's eyes widened as felt something shift. He stumbled when the pull seemed to collapse, his knees giving out on him as he fell to the ground in front of her.

"Killian!" Emma shouted as she dropped down beside him, her arms engulfing him in her warmth that felt _almost_ magical. He was so cold. Like the life had started to leave him. "No. No. You can't do this to me."

Killian felt numb. Like he wasn't quite there. He could hear her, feel her, but he didn't think he could move. The clock hit its last toll – it was midnight. He hadn't done what he'd been commanded to do. Emma was alive. But he…

He felt like he was choking.

Emma's tears slid down her cheeks, landing on his face as his lashes fluttered closed.

Was this what _death_ felt like?

There was only silence then.

"_Killian_."

His eyes opened slowly. The dim lighting in the station even seemed too bright. It was difficult to focus at first – like everything was in black and white. But as he focused on her, on her green eyes and golden hair, everything came back in screaming color.

"Emma." He breathed out as he surged upwards to wrap his arms around her, burying his face in her hair, clinging to her as though his life depended on it. "I'm sorry. I love you."

"_Shhh_." Emma laughed breathlessly, her fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck as she held him tightly. "It's over. It's _ov_er. I love you."

Against all the odds – he had freed himself.


End file.
